Being qualified to be a "Christian Dater" is vastly different than being qualified to be a "Secular Dater". In order to qualify to be a secular dater, there is only one criteria. You have to biologically be a male or a female human. That's it. Donkeys and mules don't qualify. To be well qualified as a Christian dater, and not MISREPRESENTING yourself requires quite a bit more substance!! Most Christian daters DO misrepresent themselves, and THEY are the ones the rest of us have to watch out for. Or perhaps YOU are one of the "THEY"? Perhaps you need to re-evaluate and re-prioritize.
Most people who are Christian, who are dating, are asking God to send them the right person to spend the rest of their life with. At least, that's what they're asking if they're truly Christian. However..... do you really have the RIGHT to ask God to send YOU the right person, if you AREN'T the right person yourself????? Let's kick this around for awhile......
If you are carrying around a bunch of BAGGAGE from your past relationship(s), you DON'T qualify. What does that mean, exactly? It usually means you have resentment seething underneath your surface toward the opposite sex due to the hurt from your past experience. You've probably set up some judgements in your heart against them. Do you realize that the very thing you judge against is the very thing you will draw and ATTRACT?? That's not a myth, it is a spiritual LAW.
Do you feel you need to collect some scalps, make some people fall for you, to restore your self-esteem? If so, you have no business dating.
Do you feel that "most" women (or men) are untrustworthy or manipulative? Do you feel that "most" women (or men) secretly want to get their hands on your money or your resources? Do you feel that "most" women (or men) are likely to cheat on you, or let you down? Do you feel that "most" women (or men) are likely to abandon you when the chips are down? Do you feel that "most" women (or men) are inferior to you in the matter of intelligence? (Or are you threatened when their intelligence seems superior to yours?) Do you feel like you need to with hold or hide the depth of your true feelings in order to keep yourself from being hurt, used, or taken advantage of?
We could go on all day with this list.... but I won't. This is enough for you to get the idea. Examine your inner feelings to see if any of these things, or other similar negative things are lurking. If they are, you need to do some emotional house-cleaning. If you are putting negative, personal judgements on the opposite sex, you aren't qualified to be a good, Christian date!
This might help. Realize that any "stereotype" is based on WRONG THINKING, and boot out your stereotypes.
"All women are manipulative, all women talk too much, all women try to get in your business too much, all women are nags, all women want your money, all women are shallow, all women are stupid....etc. etc."
"All men want is sex, all men reject women who don't look like Barbie, all men are untrustworthy, all men want is a stupid woman whom they can easily manipulate, all men cheat, all men have the potential to abuse and control....etc. etc."
This is just as closed-minded, screwed up and wrong as saying "All black people live on welfare... All white people are hateful bigots..... All brown people live in squalor... ETC ETC!" If you are a person operating under stereotypes, you aren't qualified to be a good, Christian date!
STEREOTYPING blinds you and prevents your seeing people as they truly are. It causes you to miss out on appreciating who they are as a person. The Christian way to view others is to view everyone as children of God, whether they are men or women. Look at each woman or man, and examine the uniqueness and individuality God imprinted them with. No two humans are alike. Respect and admire the way God created your fellow man or woman. If you change your mindset to reflect that attitude, it prevents a whole myriad of sins and judgements contaminating your view of the opposite sex, and thus, your romantic relationships.
The attitude of appreciating each man or woman as an individual child of God, beloved and designed by God, will prevent you from lusting after them. Lusting after another person is a highly disrespectful behavior, especially if you claim Christianity. Lustful thoughts and behavior dehumanizes your fellow man or woman. It transforms them into an object, rather than a unique, fellow, beloved child of God, deserving of your honor and respect. Lustful thoughts and behaviors prevent your seeing a person for who and what they are. It can prevent your seeing their GOOD qualities, but it will also prevent your seeing their BAD qualities. Either way, YOU LOOSE. Clean up your polluted mind, and divert your thoughts elsewhere. If you are having trouble with that, sincerely ask GOD to help change your mindset! Get help if you need to. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it. The shame comes in when you engage in negative behaviors that could have been prevented had you asked for help when you needed it! If you are a lustful person, you aren't qualified to be a good, Christian date!
Do you have irresponsible habits or addictions that you are battling?? Are you irresponsible with your money, leaving unpaid bills and operating under questionable ethics? Do you abuse alcohol or pills? If so, you aren't qualified to be a good, Christian date!
There is one particular addiction that deserves its very own paragraph, and it is a very prevalent one affecting both men and women. Being single can cause it to be even more of a struggle. Do you LOOK at pornography??? I won't ask you if you are addicted, because you'll probably say you aren't. If you even look at it, it's a big problem. It probably deserves its very own blog topic, so we'll just hit the high points here today.
It sets up unrealistic expectations of the opposite sex. It can't NOT affect how you view the opposite sex. Face it --- average people don't have 4 to 6 hours a day to spend working out and laying around in a tanning booth, and thousands of dollars to spend on spas and plastic surgeries in order to look like the porn stars. If you start looking at that garbage, that's what you'll expect your mate to look like. It will contaminate your reality and cause you to be disappointed in the good mate God gave you. Plus, it is an addiction that can be more severe than any drug. Brain scans show that porn addicts have the very same sorts of "holes" in their brains as heroin and alcohol addicts.
Plus, men, do you have any earthly IDEA the HURT a woman feels in her spirit when her man looks at that garbage? If you truly knew, you'd never go near it. It makes her feel like SHE is not enough, that you want something more than her. It introduces a THIRD PARTY into your relationship, just as though you were having an affair (but it is even more dehumanizing than an affair, because it is not even a REAL person doing the intruding!). When she feels like that, she will close vital, secret parts of herself off to you in order to protect herself from being hurt. Therefore, you will not have full access to the unique treasure within her make-up which makes her HER. It is a relationship killer, and an intimacy killer. It's an evil lie that porn doesn't have anything to do with the way you feel about the woman in your life. It DOES. It will absolutely trash your relationships. (Yes.... you guessed it... I DO know quite a bit about this topic, I could probably write a book on it!) If you have a problem with porn, if you are a man or a woman..... before you date, GET HELP. Because it will absolutely train wreck you. If you have any issues with porn, you ABSOLUTELY aren't qualified to be a good, Christian date!
Are you merely a recreational dater, with no interest in developing a permanent relationship?? Do you want to just play the field indefinitely because it's fun? If this is the case, then you have no business in the Christian dating arena. Most Christian daters are looking for "THE ONE". It's wrong to set up false expectations in people, thus setting them up for personal hurt and disappointment. God takes a dim view of those who hurt His other children. If you are just playing around..... STOP DATING! If you don't want to make it real, keep your HANDS and your LIPS.....and your PRETTY WORDS to yourself!!! If you DO go on a date, then let it be known right up front that your interest is NOT ROMANTIC!!! And when your interest is not romantic, then DO NOT indulge in romantic speech or behaviors. If you are outside these guidelines, you aren't qualified to be a good, Christian date!
Are you sincere in your Christianity, or merely paying lip-service to it? Do you love God/Jesus with all your heart, and are you a committed Christ-follower? Are you willing to work toward performing the Great Commission (if you don't know what the Great Commission is, you're already disqualified...) to be a good Christian example, to love and serve others? If not, you aren't a true Christian, therefore you couldn't possibly be qualified to be a good, Christian date! If you aren't, then REMOVE that phoney label you are wearing and select your dates from the secular pool!!
There is a lot more we could cover here, but I am writing a blog post, not a book. These are just some things to consider, for starters.
If you aren't qualified to be a good, Christian date, please, do the ethical thing and either FIX yourself to become a good Christian date before you date other good Christians..... or leave the Christian dating pool altogether and fish in the secular pool. There are far more people to choose from in the secular pool, and most of them aren't quite as picky. It grieves the heart of God when He sees His children hurting and abusing one another with lies, misrepresentation and manipulation. In God's kingdom, there is a spiritual law of sowing and reaping. If you sow bad seed, you reap bad fruit. Don't heap sin and judgement upon your own head which you will surely have to pay for later. The temporary thrill you'll get from collecting a belt full of Christian scalps is nowhere near worth what it will cost your body, soul and spirit down the road!
Blessings..... and may God bless your journey of self-discovery!
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