Talking VS Texting

We live in the modern technological age where everyone under the age of  50 seems to have their thumbs busily texting on mobile phone keypads -- texting at school, texting at work, texting in traffic, texting at the grocery store, etc. etc!! However, some of us who are past the age of  50 are slightly less enthralled with the concept of texting than the younger generation. We were taught, and learned manners, at one time.  Since everyone has gone so text crazy, I thought it would be a timely topic to blog about today. I'm certain it currently affects many of you, because it affects me!

I know someone who has been in a new relationship for about two and a half months. The two of them are what one might consider hanging on the edge of the senior crowd, but one of them has totally bought into the texting craze. The texter always texts the talker GOOD MORNING, and they exchange two or three brief texts before starting their day. They usually text in the evenings, and the texter sometimes falls asleep mid-texting.  Sometimes the texting episodes spread out over the entire duration of the evening, sometimes only for 5 or 10 minutes.  They generally have their dates over the weekend.

The talker is growing quite frustrated with the texting.  The talker can't hear the voice inflections, and finds the casualness and lack of one on one romantic interaction way too impersonal. This issue was brought up a couple of times with the new dating partner, with a request to spend more time talking on the phone, and less time texting. They seldom talk on the phone.  Even though the request was made twice now, the texting continues, and the intimate phone conversations desired by the talker fail to materialize.

I also see this texting craze going on with my kids. I invite my daughter over to my house to see a movie, and I catch her giggling at a point where the movie is not humorous. She's texting with her flame of the moment.  At Thanksgiving dinner, I noticed my son only giving half his attention to the family, and the rest of his attention was focused on his smart phone underneath the dinner table,juggling his texting between TWO girls he was seeing at the time.  I, personally find this texting behavior highly irritating and rude on the behalf of my children, and they are merely doing it in my presence, not doing it TO me.  I can only imagine how irritating my friend finds all this texting to be while on the receiving end of it, especially in a romantic relationship.

My talking friend got frustrated to the point of seeking advice of other friends. A mutual friend agreed that the behavior of the new dating friend was rather inconsiderate.  The question was asked "Well, how do you really know they are not with another date when texting you? On those evenings when you get only a few texts, maybe they are visiting with another date, and texting you from their bathroom!"

This threw a whole new fly into the ointment, making my talking friend more frustrated than ever.  So, when I was present, and some texts started rolling in from the date, I said "Well, you have made it known you prefer talking, not texting, so when the text comes, be very brief, sending only one or two word replies, maybe they will get the idea, and just call you!!  So a one word reply was sent.  One word replies were received in return, and no call was forthcoming!!! This caused more angst than ever.  I thought I should probably refrain from handing out further advice before I got myself in trouble.

All of this got me thinking about the whole etiquette of texting in general.  It's such a new thing, the topic has probably not yet been published in Ms. Manners latest volume on polite social behavior among adults. However, as on most topics I address, I do have a definite opinion on the matter.  Some of you might consider my opinion a little old fashioned, but hey, I'm kind of an old-fashioned girl who lives by old-fashioned Southern girl rules and genteel manners.

I think texting is OK when you don't have time for a phone call, or you are in a place where speaking aloud on the phone would be rude.  However, I find lengthy text conversations aggravating in the extreme.  Unless you are an extremely speedy keypad manipulator, you can verbalize something in 60 seconds that it would take you an hour to say via text.  Plus, if you are texting, you can't do anything else with your hands. It's a lot easier to move your mouth than peck on a 2 inch square keypad.  Also, it does lack the personal touch.  With phone conversation, you don't get the physical eye contact, but you do get the voice inflection. With texting, you get neither. If you are really into the relationship, and it's important to you, and spending time learning about that person, and experiencing the things about them that makes them THEM, WHY ever would you text if you could talk??? 

Now, if you are in the middle of a corporate meeting, and you cannot wait to experience SOME sort of interaction with your special beloved, I can certainly see slipping your smart phone under the conference table and texting "Lovebug, I miss you so much, I cannot WAIT for our date at the bistro tonight!"  That is perfectly acceptable.

However, if you are at home, and you are watching re-runs of "The Iron Chef" on the cooking channel, and your honey lives across town, and you won't have time to go on a real date until the weekend, and you choose to sit there and impersonally text your honey instead of experiencing the inflection of dulcet, loving tones falling upon your ear, YOU ARE NUTS!!!!!!  You are not experiencing your friend the way they need to be experienced, and YOU ARE A BORE!!!! You need to find yourself a boring, lackluster date who doesn't really care whether you date or not. There is no romance in you, and you are in for a dull relationship. Otherwise, PICK UP THAT PHONE and CALL YOUR FLAME. (If you don't want to be bothered with phoning, it's probably not a flame......its a smouldering wick.....about to extinguish!)  Talking builds intimacy.  If you don't call and talk, someone else will call to talk, and you'll loose out on a really great relationship with your lazy, lackluster ways!!

Relationships take WORK -- at least as much work as it takes to pick up the phone and create a spark. We aren't even talking about lighting a flame, just creating a spark.  There won't ever be flame without spark.

Again, this is just my opinion. You are all welcome to share your thoughts!  I'd love to hear some other input on this!